If a woman is going to respond to childhood fears, her first impulse is to take the childhood fear seriously and begin to work with that fear. Men are less inclined to work with children's fears; it is easier and more understandable for them to react to children's fears: sometimes to support the child, sometimes to shame them.

Working with children's fears is, first of all, serious attitude to the child's fears. Oddly enough, this is not always justified. Sometimes the best way to free one from fear is the cheerful look of an adult who confidently wonders: “Why are you afraid of such nonsense? Come on, I’ll show you, it’s not scary at all!”

Working with children's fears has its own specifics, if only because children themselves very rarely formulate a request for freedom from fear. A typical request from a child is: “Sit with me, I’m scared!”, but children do not always want to be freed from fear.

Accordingly, you either need to insist on this, or make it exciting and fun.

Working with specific fears has its own specifics, so for ease of searching, we list the most typical childhood fears:

The main technique in working with fears in children is to remove the child’s fear of fear.

If a child went to bed and it seemed to him that someone was hiding in the dark behind the closet, the child’s heart may begin to pound. The beating of the heart is a manifestation of basic fear. If the child begins to pay attention not to the fact that his heart is beating strongly, but starts to worry about the heartbeat (“my heart won’t stand it, it will burst, and I will die of fear!”), this is the child’s secondary fear. If the child can be explained that his heartbeat and the desire to be with his mother are normal and natural, that this happens to all children and we love him, the child becomes calmer.

This is explained to children in a variety of ways. Formulations: “Fear is not scary”, “It’s normal to be afraid, everyone is afraid, there’s no shame in being afraid”, “Fear helps us, fear takes care of us”, “You need to accept your fear” - all these outwardly varied suggestions have one internal task : a child’s calm, fearless attitude towards those psychophysiological processes that are commonly called fear. A similar task is performed by such processes as children drawing their fears and acting out their fears in games, in certain scenes. A child can fight his own fears if you tell him how to do this.

In all cases, the success of eliminating fears depends on knowing them

• At 2-3 years old, the baby associates sharp sounds with danger; this cause of fear in young children is extremely common.
• Not all parents fully understand how painful the eternal fear of the dark can sometimes be for a child.
• Many children are instinctively afraid of pets, especially unfamiliar ones, until they get used to them.
• The causes of fear in children from 4 years of age are often associated with developing imagination. Heroes can scare a child computer games and films, shadows, dreams, their own embodied fantasies.
• Fears grow with children, especially quickly if the kids are faced with grief in the family. From the age of 5 small man may be afraid of becoming terminally ill, losing a loved one, or dying.

5 ways to help your child overcome fear

1. Protection. There is no point in saying that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Fear is a natural phenomenon. However, the child must know that an adult is nearby and will definitely come to his defense if necessary.
2. Understanding. Be sure to tell your son (daughter) that you understand what exactly he (she) is afraid of. It would be appropriate to tell a story about a similar but successful fear you experienced in childhood. Dialogue is necessary!
3. No ridicule. Never laugh at your child’s fears - children will hide problems out of shame, which threatens the development of a phobia. You risk losing your child's trust in adults.
4. Optimism. It has been proven that the deep voice of a man - a father, an uncle, an older brother - calms a frightened child best. Calmly and confidently promise your baby that everything will definitely be fine.
5. Encouragement. Remind your children more often of the victories they have won over their fears, but under no circumstances remind them of their failures.

Correction of fears in children

Effective techniques for overcoming fear, which child psychologists successfully use, are more related to the impact on the emotions of children, rather than on their minds. For example, if your child is afraid of the dark, it is unlikely that logical beliefs will help him that if the lights are turned off, nothing will change in the room. Experts advise to accustom your baby to the dark.

In a “scary” room the lights must be turned off, in others they must be turned on. Initially, it is recommended to take the child by the hand and enter the dark room together and leave if he begins to be afraid. Gradually increase the time of such trips, be patient, and the child will begin to make them on his own and get used to being in the room he has explored.

A good way to help a child overcome fear is to play out a problematic situation in which the hero emerges victorious. Fairytale therapy comes to the rescue - treatment with fairy tales in which good always triumphs over evil. Choose suitable stories and come up with your own, for example, about a teddy bear who was afraid of a dark forest, but friendship with a small and brave firefly helped him overcome his fear.

Let children become actors, use their favorite toys and act out different situations. Without knowing it, children can tell a lot about the reasons in the process of fabulous improvisation. bad dreams and emerging phobias.

How to build a fabulous training

1. Depict a fairy tale story in faces or with the help of dolls so that it evokes an emotional response in the child.

2. Consolidate the experience gained. So, you can give your child a flashlight with which he will climb into a “den” of chairs and blankets. Hang a night light in the children's room.

3. Draw conclusions together. The story being played out must be related to a specific problem (for example, the fear of going into a dark room).

If you are trying to help your child overcome fear, but are unable to solve the problem on your own, do not under any circumstances allow your son or daughter to acquire an unpleasant phobia for the rest of their lives. Contact an experienced child psychologist, and together you will definitely cope with the problem.

At certain age periods, children develop various fears. Childhood fears- this is a completely normal phenomenon, it’s just that during these periods adults need to know how to behave and how to help their baby cope with them. Often very young children are afraid of strangers, a little later children develop a fear of darkness, loss, some are afraid of doctors, some animals, scary characters from cartoons, fairy tales, and so on.

Most often, adults forget that they themselves were afraid of something in childhood, and sometimes many simply do not understand the fears of their children, trying not to pay any attention to them, some parents begin to get annoyed by this, someone scolds the child for being excessively timid. But this should not be done under any circumstances. This will make the situation even worse. Children's fears must be fought, but in a different way, so as not to traumatize the child's delicate psyche. After all, the fact that your child has any fears indicates that he, more than ever before, needs your love, understanding and support.

First of all, let's figure out where children's fears come from. Fear is a feeling of worry or anxiety that arises as a result of a real or imagined threat to life or well-being. As a rule, in children such fears are a consequence psychological impact from adults (mainly parents), or self-hypnosis. That is why it is important to help a child overcome his fears in time, since many neurotic manifestations of adults are the result of unresolved childhood fears.

Children's fears most often arise in the following cases:

• when a traumatic situation arises, suffered by a child(causes fear of its repetition). This can be caused by: a bee sting, a dog bite, and so on;
• if adults remind the child too often about the occurrence of any unpleasant situations;
• if any independent actions of the child are accompanied by an emotionally charged warning about the danger that awaits him;
• in cases of too frequent prohibitions;
• if in the presence of children you talk about various negative phenomena (death, murders, fires, etc.);
• when conflicts arise in the family, and especially when the child himself is the culprit;
• in cases of disagreement with peers, their rejection of the child;
• if you consciously intimidate a child with fairy-tale characters in case of disobedience (such as Baba Yaga, goblin, vodyanoy, babayka).

As a result of the above, age-related fears appear in emotional and sensitive children. But quite often, children's fears are a manifestation of neuroses. The indirect reasons (prerequisites) for the emergence of fears are the incorrect behavior of the mother, who takes on the role of head of the family, thereby causing anxiety in the child. Also, the mother’s desire to go to work as soon as possible after maternity leave has a bad effect on the child, so the baby begins to feel an acute lack of physical communication with her. Most often, children of single-parent families or the only children in the family are susceptible to fear, as they become the center of their parents’ care and worries. The age of the parents also affects: the older they are, the more susceptible their children are to anxiety and restlessness. What the mother endures during pregnancy also has a strong effect. stressful situation, or an unfavorable environment at home, constant conflicts during the period of bearing a child. Also, the presence of certain fears directly depends on the age of the child.

So, for example, for a child under one year old, fears of the child’s distance from the mother are more typical. Children are often afraid of strangers and new surroundings. Fear of the dark mainly occurs in children under 3 summer age. After three years, the fear of the dark may be supplemented by fears such as fear of enclosed spaces, fairy-tale heroes and loneliness, that is, the fear of being “nobody.”

At the age of five, a child may begin to be afraid of fires, depths, terrible dreams, death, animals; there may be a fear of losing parents, as well as being punished by them. Fears of being late and contracting some disease are common.

From the age of 6-7 years, fears associated with studying begin: fear of making a mistake, getting a bad grade, fear of not meeting the expectations of adults.

From 10-11 to 16 years of age, children develop fears of changing their appearance, as well as various fears of interpersonal origin.

So, I would like to say that by the age of 16, provided that the child is developing correctly and is healthy, fears should disappear. But the statement that a child should never experience negative feelings is erroneous. After all, the body grows, cognitive activity also increases, so it is simply impossible to avoid the appearance of any fears, and perhaps it is not necessary. But everything is good in moderation, so if a child’s fears prevent him from living a full life, then he must definitely fight them.

So what to do if your child’s fears arise very often and are the cause of his anxiety? First of all, remember, under no circumstances should you do the following:

• ignore, not notice your child’s fears, and also get irritated and scold the child for his excessive timidity;
• discuss the problems that have arisen in your life with someone in front of your child, and in general it is advisable to protect your child from adult conversations, since children are very impressionable, and any little thing can affect their psyche;
• joke about your child's fears and mock him, trying to catch him in pretense or stupidity;
• tell someone that your child is afraid of something and about your feelings about this, as well as about the problems that arise because of his fears;
• restrict the baby's freedom. This will in no way help him cope with his fears and will not become an obstacle to acquiring new ones;
• It is pointless to persuade a child to become brave and decisive. This will make the situation even worse - the child will lose faith that he can cope with his fears on his own until he grows up;
• Allow your child to uncontrollably watch TV, especially horror films, or read books or magazines with images of scary characters.

Here's what you can do to help your child fight his fears:

If you are unable to help your child overcome his fears, you need to consult a specialist, since fears that the child has not gotten rid of before the age of 10 serve as a factor in the development of severe neuroses, and can also cause alcoholism and drug addiction in the future. .

You should also pay special attention to the child if:

• he developed an unusually strong fear, which does not correspond in its strength to the situation it evokes;
• discrepancy between fear and the situation that led to its occurrence;
• the child has a prolonged state of fear, which led to pronounced violation sleep, appetite, etc.
• if the child is clearly trying to avoid a situation that causes him fear.

Thus, if your children experience fears, it is worth remembering that in order to get rid of childhood fears it takes a lot of time, as well as help, understanding, love and support from parents.

Fears are feelings of worry or anxiety that arise in response to a real or imagined threat to life or well-being.
In children, such fears, as a rule, are the result of the psychological influence of adults (most often parents), or self-hypnosis. The appearance of such a problem in a child is a reason for parents to think about it. You should not ignore it, because neurotic manifestations in adults are often the result of unresolved childhood fears.

Causes of children's fears

There are several reasons why children's fears arise:

A traumatic situation suffered by a child and fear of its repetition (a bee sting, for example);
- excessively frequent reminders to the child by parents about the occurrence of possible unpleasant situations;
- accompaniment of any independent actions of the child with an emotionally charged warning about danger lurking along the way;
- frequent bans;
- conversations in the presence of children about various negative phenomena (deaths, murders, fires);
- conflicts in the family, especially if the source involuntarily is the child himself;
- disagreements with peers, their rejection of the child;
- deliberate intimidation of a child by parents with fairy-tale characters (Baba Yaga, goblin, merman) in order to achieve obedience.

These are the so-called age-related fears that appear in emotional and sensitive children.

Quite often, fears are a manifestation of illness. nervous system– neuroses.

There are also indirect reasons (prerequisites) that create conditions for the development of children's fears. Thus, the incorrect behavior of the mother, who takes on the role of head of the family, causes anxiety in the child. The mother’s desire to quickly go to work after maternity leave has a bad effect on the child, while the child feels an acute lack of close communication with her.

Children from single-parent families are more susceptible to fear, as well as the only children in the family who become the center of their parents’ worries and worries. The age of the parents also has an impact - the older the parents, the more likely their children are to develop anxiety and worry. The stress experienced by the mother during pregnancy or the conflict situation in her family during the period of bearing the child also influences the appearance of fears in children.

The presence of certain childhood fears directly depends on the age of the child.

Fears in children of different ages

In children of the first year of life, the most typical fears are associated with the child’s distance from the mother. The child may also be afraid of strangers and new surroundings.
Until the age of three, children are most often afraid of the dark. Often there is a fear of being alone and night terrors.

After three years the fear of the dark still persists, but new experiences arise - now the child is afraid of being in a confined space, afraid of fairy-tale characters and loneliness (in the sense of “being nobody”).

When a child turns 5 years old, he begins to be afraid of fire, depth, terrible dreams, death, and animals. There may be a fear of losing parents, and at the same time a fear of being punished by them. Often a child experiences fear of being late and of contracting some kind of disease.

From the age of seven, when school years begin, various fears associated with studying may begin - fear of making a mistake, getting a bad grade, not meeting the expectations of adults.

From 10-11 to 16 years of age, a child experiences fear of changing his appearance and various fears of interpersonal origin.

It makes sense to dwell on the main types of fears in children.

Fear of loneliness

Almost everyone knows the fear of being left at home alone from childhood. This is caused in the child by a feeling of uselessness, defenselessness, insufficient love from parents who left him alone. In this case, you need to convince your baby that home is a safe place, and although you have to leave, you still love your boy or girl very much. Agree on a time to expect your return, and be sure to call from time to time. Although, most likely, this fear will disappear completely only when the child grows up.

Fear of the dark

A common fear is the fear of the dark. It happens that they are provoked by adults themselves or one of their friends, jumping out of the darkness and shouting in a scary voice “U-U-U!” or telling that there are some ghosts flying in the dark. Sometimes a kind of “hardening” with darkness helps to get rid of this (gradually increasing the time spent in a dark room, or even sitting in it with a flashlight, showing that there is nothing there and cannot be there except objects). But it’s better not to torture the child and turn on the light, giving him the opportunity to see that nothing has changed and calmly wait for the baby to grow up.

Fear of death

The fear of death in a child has the most adverse effect on the psyche, so never tell him phrases like: “if you don’t listen to me, I can get sick and die.” Try to protect him from attending funerals for at least 10 years. However, periodically mention deceased relatives in front of him, so he will understand that even after death a person continues to live, no matter where - in conversations, in the hearts of people, but he does not disappear completely. If this does not help, it is better to consult a specialist.

How to get rid of fears

It must be said that if a child develops correctly and is healthy, then by the age of 16 all kinds of fears should disappear. However, it is a misconception that a child should never experience anxious feelings at all. With the increasing cognitive activity of a growing organism, it is simply impossible to avoid their appearance, and perhaps not necessary. But everything is good in moderation, therefore, if fears prevent a child from living a quality and happy life, they need to be fought.

What to do if your child’s fears arise very often and undermine his already weak nervous system.

First of all, remember what you should never do:

1. Punish the child for his fears.
2. Taunt him, trying to catch him in pretense or stupidity.
3. Do not try to force the baby into this fear (force him to pet the dog that he is terrified of).
4. Do not allow yourself to uncontrollably watch horror films or read books or magazines with scary plots.

How parents can help their child:

1. Listen carefully and understand the baby’s feelings, because For any fear, it seems like a real danger to his life. At the same time, the child will throw out his emotions, weaken them, and you will get a complete picture of the reasons and picture of his experiences. However, you cannot openly insist that the child tell the reason for his fears, as the problem will worsen even more and become entrenched. You can talk to him directly if he himself takes the initiative. Otherwise, you need to carefully observe and ask leading questions.
2. Assure him that you love him very much, and if such a need arises, you will definitely protect him.
3. Find additional protectors for the child in the form of toy figures, a flashlight, and a blanket.
4. Dispel the child’s fantasies with reality by finding simple explanations for what he thinks are scary objects and phenomena.
5. Tell them that if you follow certain rules, everything will be fine.
6. Read stories together and watch cartoons in which at first there are scary monsters, but in the end they turn out to be just a fantasy (for example, a cartoon about a little raccoon who was afraid of his own reflection in the river).
7. Show the child how to “pour out” fears on paper and conduct a “ritual” of their destruction.

If you cannot cope with your child’s fears, do not delay, contact a psychotherapist. Fears preschool age, which do not go away after 10 years, serve as a predisposing factor to the development of severe neuroses, as well as drug addiction and alcoholism in the future.

Signs of pathological (neurotic fears):

The appearance of unusually strong fear, a discrepancy between the severity of fear and the strength of the situation that caused it.
- Inconsistency between fear and the situation that led to its occurrence.
- Protracted course of fear, leading to a pronounced disturbance of the general condition (sleep, appetite).
- Characteristic behavior aimed at avoiding a situation that causes fear.

Prevention of fears in children

Remember, pregnancy is the worst time to sort things out. It is not advisable to take exams or defend dissertations during this period. theses. Choose a golden mean in raising your child, do not extol, but do not oppress him. Encourage your child to walk more, run, make something, invite his friends to his house more often. Don’t scare too often with “babes”, someone else’s guy, a policeman, or wolves. Spend more time creating together (sculpting, drawing, cutting and gluing). Play with the whole family. Love your child for who he is. In general, be a good friend and a good mentor to him.

Pediatrician S.V. Sytnik

The editors of the magazine Matrona.RU received a letter from a mother who was alarmed by the behavior of her eight-year-old daughter. Answered by Veronica Petrova, an employee of the Megapolis psychological center, an analytical psychologist, child and family psychotherapist at the Vienna Institute of Intertegrative Psychotherapy OKIDs.

My daughter is 8 years old. Lately she has become afraid to be under the sun without a hat. There is an explanation for this: 2 years ago my daughter suffered a heatstroke and since then she has always worn a hat and cannot calm down without it. But during this year, fears more similar to phobic disorder began to appear. For example, fear of overeating, she is afraid to have dinner after 20.00.
The child has become restless, constantly on the negative side, I am already at a loss on how to communicate with her so as not to harm her. Tell me what can be done in this case? How serious is the situation?

Hello!

It is very good that you do not ignore your child’s fears and experiences. Moreover, 8 years is the time when the problem can still be dealt with with the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist. The sooner you contact a specialist, the less time it will take to work with fear. If you do not act, then fears gradually become entrenched, layered, inhibit the child’s development and prevent him from fully developing his intellectual potential. Fears take up so much energy that the child begins to get tired quickly, loses interest in studying, and sometimes even in games and any active activity.

You may be wondering why I am referring you to a psychologist or psychotherapist rather than giving simple recommendations. The fact is that, based on the peculiarities of the child’s developmental history, family relations, the nature and presence of traumatic factors, the specialist finds the cause that is specific to this child and chooses an individual way of working with him.

I will try to briefly tell you about possible sources of fear.

So: 7-8 years is the time when one of the leading fears is the fear of death. This could be the fear of a parent's death, or one's own. But fears often do not act directly, but look for workarounds so as not to be caught and exposed. It is good if the child can directly ask or say what is bothering him. But at the age of 8, the naive spontaneity of a preschooler already disappears, and the child most often cannot simply talk about his feelings and experiences. In addition, there is a fear of being funny, somehow different, incorrect. At this age, it is easier to talk about your experiences indirectly, through a game or drawing.

Of course, fear may be based on some traumatic event. For example, as in your case - heatstroke. You do not write anything about how badly the child suffered. It’s one thing if it was a slight illness... Then the cause of fear lies in another area, and heat stroke is just a trigger. But if the child’s condition was serious, with loss of consciousness or hospitalization, then the fear of a repetition of this traumatic event forces one to defend itself.

But it is important not only what the child’s condition was, but also the reaction of others. For example, in the case of one girl, her mother was so frightened by an exhibitionist who approached them on the street that the girl refused to leave the house for a long time, although she herself did not even understand what had happened and the reason for her mother’s screams. And then, we see that the fear of the parent himself worked here and ricocheted into the child. In such cases, several meetings with the child are enough, and then work with the mother’s fears. Children are very sensitive to the unconscious experiences of an adult, and the less worried parents are, the more secure and confident children feel.

It is also important who is raising the child, are there grandparents? What are the relationships between adults in the family? Does the child have brothers or sisters?

And also a number of questions that it would be important for me, as a specialist, to ask you to clarify the nature of your child’s fears.

And in conclusion, I want to give you some simple recommendations that will help ease your symptoms while you are looking for a specialist.

1) Remember that for a child, fears are real, serious experiences. You shouldn’t convince him that it’s not at all scary or that nothing will happen if you eat after 20.00. Instead, ask about what she thinks might happen. Find some compromise or protection. This will relieve the condition for a while.

2) Try to look at the problem or tormenting fear through the eyes of the child himself. Perhaps you will be able to see the real reason for it.

3) Be honest with your child, tell him about your feelings. Thus, you teach him to talk about his own.

4) Offer to draw your mood or fear. For example, how the sun causes sunstroke. Offer to play this, “talk” to the sun and find a common language with it.

5) Do not overprotect your child, but be attentive to what is happening in his child's life. And also do not refuse help if the child asks for it.

6) Allow your child to express aggression, teach him to do it in an acceptable form. Voice his feelings, including negative ones. (For example: “You’re angry because I won’t let you watch an adult movie,” etc.)

And, of course, give your child a feeling of stability, calm, support and love.

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