In the life of each of us there are sore topics, which we would not really like to discuss. And, unfortunately, it is these topics that friends, acquaintances, colleagues and relatives like to touch on. They ask incorrect questions, to which a person either does not know the answers himself, or does not want to tell the bitter truth to everyone he meets and crosses.
The most common reaction to such questions is to become embarrassed, mutter something unintelligible, or start making excuses. This reaction is the worst: a person who asked a question out of sincere concern will understand that he touched the interlocutor to the quick and will be upset. And the ill-wisher who wanted to prick will see that he has achieved the desired result and will gloat.
At different people the boundary between an ordinary and an inconvenient question is in different limits - someone will find it impolite to be interested in a salary or the cost of a dress, and someone can tell about all their problems to a fellow traveler on the train. But most often, questions about relationships, health, appearance and money fall into the category of tactless.
Here is a list of the most commonly asked incorrect questions:
You are almost 30, why are you not married yet?
Why did you break up?
Why don't you have kids yet?
When is the wedding?
Have you been on sick leave? What are you sick of?
Why are you so fat? (Where are these pimples from? What's wrong with your hair?)
How much do you earn?
How much are your shoes (coat, phone)?
Why did he leave you?
Of course, this is not a complete list - you can drive a person into a dead end in a huge number of ways. To be able to correctly answer tricky questions, you need to learn this. There are several ways to smooth out an awkward situation, but for this it is necessary to figure out for what purpose the person asked an unpleasant question.
Support and Participation
Friends and colleagues ask about painful things because they really worry, want to support, participate in life loved one. They themselves do not understand their tactlessness and patiently expect that they will now open their souls before them and ask for advice. People love to help - that way they feel important and helpful. But to help, you need to ask about pressing problems.
Asking a girl over 25 why she is not yet married, her mother's friend is already scrolling through her head with potential suitors. Asking why there is no job yet, a former classmate recalls if his acquaintances have a vacancy somewhere.
In this case, people should forgive their involuntary incorrectness and try to avoid answering as politely as possible, laugh it off, and if you see that the interlocutor really wants and can help you in this matter, briefly talk about your problem. True, with the last option you need to be as careful as possible - to know that the person is not talkative and does not use the information received to harm you.
Need for attention
Tactless questions can be asked by the most dear people - mom and dad, grandparents. Thus, they want to become closer, to communicate with a dear person about what may disturb him, to share his concern. For them, it is important not so much to receive information about the state of the current affairs of a grandson or daughter, but to have close confidential communication. If the child is not interested in the affairs of the parents, they try to attract his attention with personal matters.
In this case, it is worth quietly and smoothly shifting the topic from your problems to what is happening in the lives of relatives, so that they themselves speak out about their sore points, tell about their achievements, and share interesting observations. If you give them a chance to speak out, they will stop pestering you so often with uncomfortable questions.
The easiest way in such situations is to laugh it off and turn the topic to the affairs of the interlocutor.
- Don't you think it's time to get married? Look, Kolya is single, a good guy!
- Granny, I'm waiting for my prince, and he probably has a Mercedes under repair. Tell me more, how do you cook this cake? Give me the recipe!
In this way, you will make the person switch to another topic and forget about his question.
Desire to prick
Quite often, incorrect questions are asked in order to humiliate a person, to assert themselves at his expense. The ill-wisher reminds of the unpleasant and, seeing embarrassment, feels gloating: not only he feels bad, not only he has problems in life. A person can be led by envy, his own insolvency, love of gossip. With such subjects, one must be careful not to let them catch oneself by surprise.
There are a lot of tips on the Internet on how to answer incorrect questions to such people - in these recommendations, to be honest, rather boorish answers are given. In such cases, you need to let the person know that he is too curious, but you do not need to be rude. Do not forget that this is the enemy, and he uses any mistake made against the opponent. Having received a verbal slap in the face, he will hold a grudge for a long time, may begin to spread gossip about the intemperance, rudeness and viciousness of the offender, spoil his reputation in all available ways.
In such cases, you need to be no less tactful than with loved ones. It depends on your reaction whether you will make an enemy for yourself for the rest of your life or you will be able to maintain a neutral relationship, and maybe even subdue the ill-wisher with your politeness.
In all three cases, the most important thing is not to show your interlocutor your embarrassment, not to make it clear that this is a sore subject. Having recognized the motives, it remains to choose one of the most appropriate ways to “hush up” the situation.
How to answer the wrong questions?
Every joke has a bit of truth
The best way is, of course, to laugh it off. Thus, you can get out without offending the interlocutor. The main thing is to smile!
- How much is your dress?
- It was given to me by a kind sorceress. Today I'm going to the ball.
- When is the wedding?
- We decided to go the other way - I will adopt her, and she will adopt me.
Why don't you have children yet?
Yes, we are still children at heart! Come visit cartoons.
You can also tell the truth, veiled as a joke - then the questioner will be completely confused, not understanding whether this is humor or a serious answer.
- Why are you so fat?
- Is it really possible to resist all these cakes that look invitingly at me from the window? I'm powerless before their charm!
boomerang method
It is to answer a question with a question. When you ask a counter question, it confuses the interlocutor and makes him forget what he wanted.
Why did he leave you?
- Why are you so sad? Did you have a fight with a guy?
- Did you get a pay raise?
- And you?
"Urgent business"
A couple of times it will turn out to get out using this technique - suddenly remember that you need to do something urgently.
- Why did you divorce?
- Speaking of divorce, I need to pick up the child from the kindergarten!
- You're not pregnant? You are very fat!
- Exactly! I have pies in the oven!
Change theme
To learn this, you need to train and practice - abruptly changing the subject so that the interlocutor forgets about his question is not always easy.
- How much do you earn?
- Speaking of money. Please tell me a good and inexpensive dentist.
- When will you have children?
- Yes, about the children - do you need a kitten? And then our cat gave birth again.
"Do not know"
This is the simplest and most universal answer to all questions. There is even an ancient tale about him, common in eastern countries.
Once the padishah was bored, and he decided to have fun. To do this, the ruler began to call the wise men to himself, demanding that they give the shortest answers to his questions. How many words in the answer - so many blows with a stick and the sage will receive. And whoever has the fewest words will escape punishment. The tyrant asked why there are so many stars in the sky, why the water in the river always runs in one direction, why the sun rises in the east. But all the wise men could only give long answers, and all had back pains from the efforts of the executioner. The last to enter the palace was an old and very wise poor man, who was famous for his mind throughout the district.
Why are there so many stars in the sky?
- I do not know.
- Why do people die?
- I do not know.
He answered all the questions in this way and emerged victorious.
Any of us can be such a wise man!
- Why don't you get married?
- I do not know.
It's hard to argue with this answer. Maybe the person really does not know why this happens.
Honest Rejection
Sometimes it's better to be honest about the topic being raised is not very pleasant to discuss or you don't want to talk about it with strangers:
- Sorry, but we discuss our relations only among ourselves.
- I'm sorry, but I only talk about such things with very close people.
- It's too personal.
- This is a difficult question, you can’t tell everything quickly.
Such answers help to politely put the interlocutor in his place, to make it clear that he is not close enough to you to get into personal affairs.
***
Many of us are able to find witty answers to tricky questions already at night, tossing and turning in bed and remembering an unpleasant conversation. If you know such a tendency in yourself, then it is better to sort out in your mind all the unpleasant questions that acquaintances ask you and prepare the answers to them in advance. To do this, you can compose something yourself, or you can start a topic on the forum or read the opinions of other people. Who is prepared is armed!
An interview is an important initial stage of any activity, since it depends on it whether you get a job or not. At the same time, there are tricky questions, the answer to which must be prepared in advance.
What are your three biggest strengths and weaknesses?
A fairly common question that needs a really good answer. Concerning strengths, then pay attention to the fact that companies need the following things: make money, save money and save time. As for weaknesses, try to point not to your character traits, but to certain skills. For example, you might mention that you didn't know how to use PowerPoint before, but you read a book about it, practiced a lot, and now you can even teach others how to use the program. Every time you talk about a weakness, also mention the way you managed to overcome that weakness. You can also point out your weakness, which can then be turned into a strength. For example, you might say that you are very passionate about your work and give it your all. That is why, if you see other people who do not work this way, you do not like it.
What keeps you awake at night?
Another way to ask about your weaknesses. The best thing to say is that apart from a few nightmares about upcoming interviews, you work really hard, so you don't have trouble sleeping. You know how important it is to plan your time, and with sleep you "recharge your batteries."
Describe your progress at a previous job
A great question if a company is looking for a specific type of candidate. In the answer, you can mention personal and business qualities. When you mention a previous job, speak positively about it. Say: the atmosphere at your previous job was great, you worked hard and saw good results. If you didn't have any promotions, then mention the responsible tasks that were given to you and which you performed with excellence. You can also talk about some difficult situations that you were able to overcome.
If you were a color, what would it be?
Quite a common question. In this case, it's best to say that you'd rather be a rainbow. There are different types of personality, and you want to develop each of them in yourself. Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, you need to be red, sometimes green, sometimes black, and sometimes even pink. This response will please the employer and make him or her smile, which is also good for you.
How long do you plan to work in our company?
This is a great question that indirectly indicates that they want to offer you a place. However, this question can also be tricky. You can beautifully avoid such a response by redirecting it back to the employer. Say: you want to build a successful and long career in this company. Mention that you are coping well and looking for new opportunities to grow. After that, ask the employer how long he is willing to offer you such opportunities.
Describe how you are working on a major project
This is a great opportunity to showcase yourself as a manager. Strategic planning is impossible without considering the resources you need, as well as specific dates and clear milestones. This will undoubtedly lead to a positive result.
How do you deal with stress?
Best say: you avoid stressful situations thanks to proper time planning. There is not much time in the day, so you want to make the most of it, while setting specific and clear goals. You exercise regularly, eat right, and get good sleep. Thanks to this, you manage to effectively deal with stress.
What will you do in your first 90 days at work?
Without knowing the details, it's best to give a general answer. Mention that you will build your goals according to company policy, and also believe that all of them will be successfully achieved. You define your goals according to your priorities, while taking into account the needs of the company at each specific stage.
What do you like and dislike about your current job?
The key here is to resist the temptation to say something negative about your current job. Even if you think your company is like a torture chamber, don't say it in an interview. Your employer expects a positive comment from you. Say that you are satisfied with your job, that the atmosphere there is positive, and that your boss is very supportive and acts as a teacher. After that, say that, for example, the company you currently work for is small, so you do not see opportunities for yourself to grow. If your company is large, then say that you are looking for a small organization where you can make a more significant contribution.
What part of your job is the most important to you?
It is important here not just to start listing all sorts of tasks that pop up in your head, but to state the general situation, while presenting your positive character traits in a favorable way. Say that it is important for you to plan your time in stages, as well as to clearly define goals for each of the stages.
What do you think about overtime work?
The main thing here is not to say that you are not ready for overtime work, because you have a sick relative, Small child or any other problems. It's best to say that you pride yourself on your ability to manage your time well and work quickly and efficiently, but you understand that sometimes you need to work overtime.
Describe your leadership qualities
Mention that you have a knack for persuading others to take action. Also say that you can motivate others, guide them, discuss and compromise, and create a positive work environment.
How do you develop your talents?
This is another way to demonstrate your ability to work with people. Say that you are good at creating positive motivation for others, and that you always treat others the way you would like to be treated. To make it sound even better, give some examples of people you've hired or worked with, and mention how it made you feel.
Name your biggest achievement
Ask your employer what exactly he means: personal or professional achievement. If he asks you to name two options, then this is just fine, but if he asks you to choose one in terms of importance, then be sure to put your professional achievement higher. Do not mention that the greatest achievement in your life is the birth of your child, even if it really is (and should be). Remember, you are here to showcase your professionalism, so tailor your responses to that purpose.
Sell me this pen
A very common task when interviewing for the position of sales agents. This will test your sales and persuasion skills. The employer will look at how you can sell the product, taking into account the interests and needs of a particular potential buyer. Don't start talking about a product and its benefits until you know exactly what is important to your customer. Start by asking your employer what exactly is important to them when choosing a pen. Accurately listen to his answer and then act in accordance with this information.
Do you have more questions?
You should always have questions. Never answer that you do not have them and you understand everything. This is your last chance to leave a good impression. Come to the interview prepared and bring a notebook with at least five questions about the company. To do this, look for additional information about her and demonstrate that you are familiar with the features of her work. As an example, you can ask what employer sees the company in 5 years, or what skills he considers necessary for this job.
Probably out of the blue women, who would not be asked tricky questions like: “Are you not going to get married yet?”, “When will you have a baby?”, “They say you are getting divorced?”, “How much does your husband earn?” and the like. A curious person wants to get information about those moments of your personal life that you would like to keep secret.
Not every person clearly knows how to behave and how to answer tricky questions, being in such an uncomfortable situation. As a result, many make mistakes and then regret that the conversation with the interlocutor has taken an unnecessary direction. Let's look at several communication options that will help you correctly answer uncomfortable questions and remain satisfied with your behavior.
1. Answer the question with a question. You can do this in two ways:
The first way is to form a "request" in such a way that a person who shows excessive interest in your personal life becomes uncomfortable himself. Start your answer with the expression: "I understand correctly that ...". Then the words should be chosen taking into account your attitude to the interlocutor. If this is just a friend or acquaintance who could not arrange her personal life and is now jealous of your happiness, then answer like this: "Do I understand correctly that you are overly interested in my personal life?" or "I understand correctly that you would like to be there when we make love with my husband?".
Talk to the interlocutor in a calm and icy voice, no need to gesticulate, just pretend that you are surprised at such a question. For example, raise your eyebrows a little. But you should not respond in this way to close relatives and friends, whose friendship you value. Build a conversation with them using one of the following universal answers: “I admire you, but your question has me baffled”, “I will be happy to answer your question, but just explain to me, please, why do you need to know this?”, "Do you really need to be aware of this?", "How can you change the situation if I now reveal these secrets to you?" etc.
The second way is to address the interlocutor with a counter question, which will also confuse him. For example, if they ask: "When are you going to have a baby?", answer: "Are you already planning to give birth to a second one?".
2. Do not give the interlocutor any information. Answering tough questions, let's general information, not the one you would like to hide. For example, to the question: "What is your salary?", answer: "Like everyone else, no more, no less", "I have enough" or "Significantly less than Abramovich's income!".
3. Become an artist. Hearing a tricky question, imagine yourself a theater actress and portray a person who has come to deep despair from the excessive interest of the interlocutor. You can take a deep breath, press it to your chest, grab your head with your hands and say in a tragic voice: “I beg you, be a friend and never ask me about it again!”. You can play the role of karateka Eduard Kuzmin from the series "Univer" and quote his words: "This is classified information!". There is an answer option for men, who are also getting tricky questions. Imagine that you are a high-ranking person and are giving a press conference, then your answer should be similar to this: "Please, the next question!".
4. Talk long and tedious. No need to be offended and angry at the question of the interlocutor that touched you. Instead of showing defeat, begin to respond in a flat and monotone voice, laying out the smallest details and starting your story from afar. Your task is to tire the interlocutor so that he loses interest in your personal life. For example, he asks: “When are you going to get married?”, and you answer: “I myself, according to the horoscope, am Pisces, in order to conclude a happy marriage, I need to find a representative of the following zodiac signs - Cancer, Scorpio, Gemini, Leo or Aries. Next, you can describe in more detail the characteristics of all the signs with which you supposedly would be happy. Anyone will get tired of such a story very quickly and he will stop asking you more on these topics, deciding for himself that you are still that bore.
5. joke. Answer tricky questions with a joke, it's annoying! For example, a friend asks you: “How much is your dress?”, You answer: “I had to starve for a month, because beauty requires sacrifice.” Or to the question: “Is it true they say that you are getting a divorce?” Say: “They won’t wait!”. Here is another option: they ask you: “Why are you so fat?”, And you answer: “I was catching up with you!”.
Of course, before answer tricky questions you need to understand how the interlocutor treats you. There are people who are interested in other people's lives out of idle curiosity, but some ask about it to sympathize with you. If a friend asks to hurt you or collects information for gossip, it is better to limit yourself to the answer: "It's personal." Let her guess what you wanted to say to her. But we don’t recommend lying when answering uncomfortable questions; lying can only harm yourself.
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It happens to everyone. It happened to you. Even now you can easily recall several cases when you were asked an uncomfortable question - and you answered it, and then regretted for a long time that you had not answered differently. Question: how to make sure that this situation does not happen again?
An uncomfortable question is different for an uncomfortable question. There are different reasons why these questions are uncomfortable, different reasons why people ask you these questions at all.
One thing unites them: in order to correctly and calmly answer these questions, a developed skill of improvisation is required. And you can earn it ... by answering them. Crap. Problem.
Okay, don't get upset.
There is a serious base of tricks that allow you to gain time to think about the answer and simplify the question itself. Moreover, there are even means to put the questioner in an uncomfortable position - if, of course, you are sure that he asked his question with malicious intent.
Let's go in order.
The main rule for answering difficult questions
No matter how uncomfortable the question is and how unsuccessfully you answer it, then, after a couple of hours of shame and several sleepless nights, the ideal formulation of the answer will still crystallize in your head.
Moreover - if you had to answer the same question ten seconds later, the answer would still be much better than the one that was.
Whatever the additional aggravating circumstances of the awkward question, the main problematic factor remains the lack of time.
Thus, the main rule of answering uncomfortable questions is that you need to buy time to think.
"Stop, moment, you're awful"
On the deuce: "Alexander Matrosov"
There's just no money right now. We will find money - we will make indexation. You stay here, all the best, good mood and health to you. Dmitry Medvedev, Prime Minister of Russia
Many of us, in the case of stress associated with an unpleasant issue, have a desire to “throw on the embrasure”. We don’t even have time to think it over - we just blurt something out because we feel that the question is uncomfortable, and we feel that everyone feels that the question is uncomfortable for us, and we are afraid of seeming indecisive and insincere in the answer.
This is bad.
Three with a plus: “the cow answers”
Another natural reaction of a person who was asked a difficult question, this time, however, really reasonable and essentially correct. However, it sounds so-so - as if the cow is really starting to answer the question.
Cows give milk - and let them give. Don't let the cow answer difficult questions for you.
What happens is exactly what a person is afraid of, who "throws himself on the embrasure." The responder really looks indecisive or insincere. Especially if the mooing drags on for a long time.
However, it should be remembered: if Dmitry Anatolyevich Medvedev, instead of “there is no money, but you hold on,” mumbled like that for about five seconds, and then gave a more deliberate answer, then all social networks would not laugh at him. That is, even a long moo is better than a quick blunder.
On a solid four: a second of silence
You play a pause of the same length as in the previous variation. The only difference is that you don't make any sounds while doing it.
If the pause is not very long, they will not pay attention to it at all. If it is of medium length, this will give your image a certain touch of thoughtfulness or mystery.
The main thing is not to be ashamed of a short pause. The embarrassment is felt.
Alternative for a solid four: repetition is the mother of delay
- And how was the Russian team going to defeat Wales at all?
How were we going to beat Wales? Well, you see...
hypothetical dialogue
In this way, you will win back even more time than the previous two can give you, without arousing any suspicion.
In addition, this method is strongly recommended for use during crowded public events - for example, press conferences. The fact is that not everyone could hear the question posed to you. So you give them an extra chance. If they noticed this, they would be grateful to you - but they will not notice, since the use of this method is practically not perceived by people as some kind of separate action.
Usage restrictions? Do not use it too often, regularly and in a row. Otherwise, a person who diligently observes your speeches may pay attention to it and come to strange conclusions.
And what to do with it?
This - simple options buy time when answering a difficult question. You can already begin to work out the use of the winning third and fourth. At first, you will resort to them consciously, and then it will become a habit. As a result, your “pain threshold”, beyond which the question begins to be perceived as uncomfortable, will seriously increase.
But let's not stop there.
Hold and clarify
Why did we call the first group of techniques "simple"? The point is not the complexity of the application of these techniques. Just asking you a question most often becomes unpleasant due to three factors: lack of time to think, confused wording, or information that you would not want to give out.
Feel free to clarify the wording if the interlocutor asked you for something completely indigestible.
"Simple" techniques are aimed at combating one factor. "Complicated" - with several.
Now we are moving on to "complex". Or rather, to that group of them that gives you time and clarifies the essence of the issue.
Do not offend tongue-tied
A person can ask you a confused and very uncomfortable question - and then also take offense at you because you understood him differently and gave not quite the answer that he expected.
Don't bring it up. Moreover, it will be easier for you to answer the clarified question yourself.
The first option is holy simplicity
Everything is simple and obvious. You're just asking the wording of the question. If you do not do this too often, and your interlocutor does not have a nervous breakdown, this request will be perceived at least normally.
Moreover, if the question turned out to be awkward, the person asking it himself is not averse to reformulating it. Unless, of course, he is trying to take you away on purpose. Most of the time he doesn't try. And even if it tries, you benefit from repeating the wording in any case, and then you get the opportunity to move on to offensive tactics.
Some communicators emphasize that asking for a repeat of a question is only appropriate in a formal setting. Well, perhaps - if you literally and directly ask the interlocutor to repeat.
However, in an informal setting, you can always pretend that you misheard.
Incidentally, this is a common bad habit- respond to the questions asked, as if he did not hear them, using the resulting time to think about the answer. When this tactic does become a habit, it can become a problem. In particular, people with whom such a "hard of hearing" thinker communicates often may form a rather bad opinion of him. So you should know the measure and apply it consciously.
The second option is a wedge wedge
- What do you think as a coach about the unused opportunities for the Russian football team in the game with Wales? Who is to blame for this?
What kind of possibilities are you asking about? About dangerous moments that did not lead to goals, or about failed counterattacks?
hypothetical dialogue
It often happens that the question is too broad. At such moments, it is not at all shameful to answer it with a question that will narrow it down.
Advantages of the method?
The first, as before, is the time won, which you will spend on putting your pulse in order and considering your words. Secondly, you really get rid of the need to independently think out and decipher the question asked to you.
The third option is to clarify the wording
This method is especially interesting because it can be used both for defense and for attack.
There is a classic example about hunting:
(reproachfully) - Why do you consider hunting a courageous occupation?
(tired and with a slight hint of disdain) - Well, first of all, what do you consider to be courageous?
You may need to use wording refinement just to make the question clearer.
But sometimes questions are asked in the first place in order to embarrass you. And when you pay the questioner in the same coin, forcing him to independently dive into what he was going to plunge you into - he is shy and looks stupid.
Fourth option - reformulate the question yourself
“That is, you are interested in what ...” and similar beginnings of the answer. This option has an obvious plus: you clearly take the further development of the conversation into your own hands, you are free to shift the interpretation of the question so that it turns out to be not so inconvenient.
There is no need to stop bullets of incorrect questions mid-flight if you can simply dodge them.
However, there is also a downside. In fact, you can answer not quite the (or not at all) the question that the interlocutor asked you. Of course, you should not stop before this if the interlocutor sought to make you publicly embarrassed. But if there were no evil intentions, and the question was simply poorly worded, you can upset the person.
Dodge a bullet
And now let's add the other two factors of the complexity of the question: you, as usual, do not have enough time to think about the answer, but it is already clear that you would not want to give this answer. While the wording of the question is clear in principle. What to do in this case?
Consider a portion of tricks that allow you to tactfully and beautifully evade the question asked. The expectation is that the questioner does not even understand that you did not answer it. At least I didn't understand it right away.
Weak link in the chain of questions (funnel method)
Unfortunately, this method cannot be used in any case. If you only have one question, it won't work.
Here's the catch, though: people often ask questions in batches. This is less common in informal dialogue - although it also occurs. But in a more formal setting - easily.
- How is the work on the Desert Storm project going? Are there any problems and how close is it to completion?
“Oh, work is going great. As for the problems, then ... (then you expand on the topic of problems and the methods by which you solve them for ten minutes, completely without returning to the question “how close is it to completion?” - because you know that, oh, how close it is)
hypothetical dialogue
You answer those questions or parts of questions that you are quite comfortable answering. And really inconvenient - leave it as if overboard.
Of course - an attentive and meticulous interlocutor can remind you that you did not fully answer the question. Sadness. Well, at least you've had time to think about the answer to the most unpleasant part of the question.
However, in most cases, your interlocutor may simply not have the opportunity to supplement the question - for example, if the case takes place at a press conference. And besides, a relatively small percentage of interlocutors can be called “attentive and meticulous”. Even if they have already learned to ask uncomfortable questions.
Focus shift (bridge method)
- When, finally, will the indexation of pensions? Prices are going up so fast right now!
You are absolutely right, the situation is very difficult. Our geopolitical enemies have done everything possible to make our prices grow. Here, for example ... (a half-hour monologue about the search for intrigues)
hypothetical dialogue
Reception similar to the previous one. But in order for you to use it, your interlocutor does not even need to ask you a few questions from which you could choose.
"But why are you asking?"
Interesting: when asking a difficult question, many people do not even want to receive a clear answer to it. Much more they are interested in the very discussion of this topic.
Therefore, all sorts of variations in the spirit of “why do you ask” and “why do you think so”, which allow them to develop a discussion, satisfy them much more.
And again - if the questioner does not really seek to discuss this topic, but intends to simply bombard you with a difficult question, such a move will put him in a position no less vulnerable than the one in which he expected to put you.
And this will happen at the moment when he has already considered the most difficult part of the case completed and set out to stock up on popcorn and watch your shame.
Where to begin?
Add this list to your browser bookmarks and start practicing various ways, periodically returning to refresh the theory.
Do not leave this matter - and after a while you will remember with a slight smile about the period when an unexpected question could put you in an awkward position.
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Children grow up and their curiosity grows with them. Sometimes parents have to answer 300 questions a day. It’s good if you can find the answer without thinking, but it’s not always possible to do this. However, do not be afraid of uncomfortable topics - it is enough to explain to the child that the structure of the world is somewhat simpler than it seems at first glance.
site prepared 9 well-thought-out parental answers to questions on a variety of topics.
1. "Why did you give birth to me?"
This question can be asked for different purposes. If you understand that the child lacks your attention and wants to once again hear how you love him, then tell him about it, listing his positive qualities. For example, you can answer that you gave birth to him because you really wanted such a beautiful (smart, nice, talented, beautiful, and so on) child. And now you are very glad that you have it.
2. "Why don't I have as many expensive toys as others have?"
This is a rather important topic - the basics of financial literacy and the reasonable distribution of money should be explained to the child. Start with a story about how money is made, emphasizing that you go to work every day and spend a lot of time and effort. Then explain that everything you have in your house - appliances, clothes, food and toys - costs money. Finally, tell your child how the family budget is distributed, how much money you need to set aside for essentials, and how much you have left for toys and entertainment.
3. "Are you having sex?"
This is a perfectly normal question that deserves an honest answer. However, before answering, clarify why the child chose to ask you this question. Then explain that the realm of sexual relations is special shape interactions between adults. When people feel good together, they are physically attracted to each other: this is how our body works, so yes, you also have sex, because you love your husband (wife).
When answering this question, and indeed to any question related to sex, the main thing is that the child remembers your deadpan reaction and frank answers. Then he will not have the feeling that sex is something obscene and forbidden.
4. "Do you want a divorce?"
The child is quite sensitive to the atmosphere in the house, so if the word “divorce” is in the air, then he will definitely catch it. Parents should think about the psychological comfort of the child, and it is important for him to know what is happening in your family.
If you really are in the process of a divorce, explain that over time, mom and dad stopped understanding each other and realized that it was better for them to live separately. At the same time, be sure to add that, even if you get divorced, you will still always be there and support the child, because he will remain the most dear and beloved person for you. You can also tell how you plan to continue to build relationships between all family members.
5. "Why don't I have a dad (mum)?"
The main thing here is not to cheat and not to invent fairy tales about a parent-pilot who flew off to fight aliens. Sooner or later, the truth will be revealed, and you will forever remain in the eyes of the child the person who told him a lie, which means you cannot be trusted. So try to explain everything honestly, of course, at a level he understands. Say that mom and dad used to love each other and dreamed of a family, but then life turned out in such a way that they had to leave, but this has nothing to do with the child.
Give examples of incomplete families among friends and tell them that there are different families. Somewhere dad, mom and child live, somewhere mom and baby, somewhere dad and baby - this is normal, the world is diverse and that's good.
6. “Vasya offends me, can I beat him?”
The main thing here is not to answer automatically: “Of course, it is important to be able to stand up for yourself!” Try not to provoke the child into antisocial behavior, rather say something like: “Beating other people is bad, so try to resolve the conflict peacefully. However, if you think a fight is unavoidable, make that decision yourself.” Some psychologists say that in this way you will teach the child to take responsibility for any act upon himself, and this is a very important step in the development of personality.
7. "Where does the rainbow come from (lightning, thunder, wind)?"
Sometimes when a child asks about the structure of the world, parents either laugh it off or dismiss it. In fact, children are always interested in learning the various laws of nature. Receiving objective and truthful knowledge about the world around, the child becomes more erudite and self-confident. Try to prepare several roles in advance. At home I'm a parent and at work I'm an employee, so I don't confuse the two." Be sure to say that when you leave for work, you still think about the child, you can mention that there is a picture of him on your desktop.
9. “Have you ever tried drugs or stolen money?”
Actually we are talking about any of your behavior that goes beyond the acceptable. Usually a child is interested not so much in the unsightly fact of your biography as in the limits of boundaries. If you really didn't use drugs, didn't steal, and led a proper lifestyle, then of course you can just say no.
However, if you had some sins in your youth, then you should not answer “yes”: in this way you will unwittingly give the child an indulgence for such behavior. In this case, it would be most appropriate to avoid a direct answer and say something like: “Everyone has the right to secrets, including me. You, too, by the way."
Do you know how to answer provocative children's questions?
